Change

Change is knocking at my door, but I am trying to ignore it

It is knocking, at different areas of my life

When will I unlock the door to let change in?

In which area will I allow the work to begin?

Will I keep putting it off, because I don’t know where to start?

Lord, please give me the courage to know when I should start and the grace to continue to the long haul

Change can be rough and it can be hard, but it is necessary to refine, reaffirm and restore, us to his heart

So, come on CHANGE and let’s make a start.

 

 

 

On Reading Widely{Day 5: Other

Today is day 5 in the 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes. Today’s prompt is Other.

I have always enjoyed reading. I like devouring a good book, magazine or even the newspaper.  I enjoy getting lost in the words and using my imagination to transport me to a different ^world.

Since having children, I do not have the luxury to read many books due to time constraints and if I am really honest, I haven’t made it as much of a priority as I used to. Recently I found myself reading magazines more than books as I can delve in quickly and not feel lost.

In the past few years many of the books that I have been reading can be classified as self help, self discovery and spiritual development.

Two nights ago I went to a book launch and got a new book called “I am my brand”, I am yet to start reading it, however, I am looking forward to learning how to build my brand and rediscovering myself.

Birthday Musings

This was something I wrote in February just before my birthday.

I am approaching another Birthday, and as much as I am grateful for another year, I cannot help but reflect on my life and what I have achieved and it leaves me with a bit of disappointment.

Perhaps I am being short sighted and not looking at the positive things in my life.  I am married to a wonderful man, I have been blessed with two lovely children, a boy and a girl. I have a wonderful mother, who is very loving and supportive. I am healthy albeit a bit overweight, I have full use of my body and all my senses.  I have a job although it’s not one that I enjoy.

Something that has been a recurring theme in my life is procrastination. I often put things off and at times it catches up with terrible consequences.  One such example is recently I was sent the details of two jobs by my husband, at first I did not look at the closing date and thought that I had enough time to complete the applications.  One of the jobs which would have been ideal as it’s part time, I started to do the application but couldn’t complete it as the computer crashed then I realised that they required a CV.  When I found a copy of my CV it was not updated and therefore I was unable to apply.  The second job when I checked was closing the next day, so that evening I got home from work, I started to complete the application form.  I started to run out of time and had to abandon applying for this job as well. I was furious with myself for not looking at the closing dates earlier and also for not being prepared.

My anger towards myself lasted until the next day, when I went to work and I felt so low because I had blown my chance of possibly getting another job, so that I can leave my current role which I dislike and is draining the life out of me.  However, by the time I went home I had decided there’s no need being upset as I cannot change what has happened.  I took something positive from the experience, in that next time I need to be better prepared and not put off doing what I have to do.

As a birthday present to myself it would be great to start looking at my life in a more positive way, as being negative towards myself is only going to be a hinderance. I need to put strategies in place and also focus on what I want to achieve and work towards it.  With that said, I will be looking forward to my birthday with an air of anticipation, that anything is possible with belief and hard work.  The best is yet to come as I am not yet living my best life, so there’s lots to look forward to.

I am keen to hear your thoughts or comments so drop me a line.

 

 

 

 

Seize

Happy New Year, we have made it to 2019. The new year brings with it opportunities for a fresh start to re-evaluate and set goals for different areas of our lives.

I actually stared writing this piece on the 1st January, however life got in the way, as we were on our Christmas vacation at the time and was busy going out, doing activities and enjoying time together.

However, as the new year dawned, I thought what word did I want to encapsulate my year and I chose seize. I chose this word because I want this year to be one where I seize, moments, opportunities and pursue life in it’s fullest.

Yesterday I was helping my son to get ready for school and during the rush to get him dressed he gave me a loving look and I chose to stop and look him in the eyes and gave him a hug. It felt good to seize the moment as I saw love and kindness in his eyes and I know it made an impact on his morning.

I was also intentional after the school run when I felt tired, I decided to have a nap. I am trying to listen to my body and not feel guilty for taking a slower pace if I need to.

What I’m saying is that this year I want to be more intentional in m choices and actions, so that I am able to seize moments and opportunities when they present themself and I will be more mindful and live in the moment.

What word have you chosen as your word for 2019? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Knocked off Course

Life can be difficult at times and even when you do your best something or someone comes along and knocks you off course. So what are we supposed to do at these times?

From personal experience, depending on the situation I may become down and think, why did this happen to me? In other cases I will try and work out what has happened and what I can do to resolve the situation.

One such situation happened recently whereby, an incident happened at the end of the year with my husband,which I didn’t expect. It left me feeling deceived and disrespected. At first I reacted in anger and I also confronted him about why he did it. He said that he thought there was nothing wrong with what he did.

The memory of what he did kept coming back to me very often but I decided to put it to the back of my mind as we were going away for Christmas vacation. During the holiday I didn’t think about the incident. On returning home something happened which caused the memory to resurface and all the hurt. I prayed to God and asked him to open my husband’s eyes and to take away my hurt.

I attempted to speak to my husband and he still tried to justify his actions, this made me feel more hurt.  I didn’t realise how much it had impacted me until I was speaking to someone and I started to cry. Crying gave me relief and I was in a better position to deal with my feelings.

The following evening I spoke to my husband again but this time I was calm. I managed to explain how his actions have affected me and also got him to see things from my perspective which was a very rare situation.  After speaking to him I felt a weight had been taken away and I felt happier.  The next day he said it’s the first time I had managed to explain my feelings without anger or emotion and he fully understood how I felt. This was such a breakthrough  and I give the glory to God.

In summary sometimes things can be so hurtful and it causes us to become angry and frustrated, this has taught me to take my hurts to God and ask for his help in letting go and also for his healing.

God invites us in Matthew 11:28 “come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest”.  When we go to him he will meet us at the point of our need because he loves us and wants to take care of us. Take it to the Lord in prayer and unburden yourself.

 

Tried and Tested

I am currently in a season where I’m being tried and tested in various areas of my life.

My relationship with my 11 year old daughter is very tumultuous at present. I understand that she’s going through hormonal changes, however, it is very difficult to cope when someone is happy one minute and then without anything going wrong the mood changes.  There’s also the inclination to push the boundaries as far as possible. As a mother I’m torn because as much as I would like to be dishing out punishment there are times I give in as I think she needs grace. This is a constant battle within my spirit and also with my husband.

Another area is financially. I have taken steps to manage my finances, however every month there’s a deficit and I end up in the red. I keep praying for things to change but to no avail. I am currently at the point where I am looking for a new job.

I  am also struggling with unforgiveness and letting go of hurt feelings. This is a great battle for me and I  now realise they I need to turn it over to God to help me to surrender my cares to him and help me to forgive.

I have lost my joy and my peace and my faith is weary. Please pray for me that the Lord will touch my heart and direct my steps for the coming year.

Let me know how you cope when you’re going through a difficult season of life.

What’s your Story?

Today is the first time in about 4 months that I am writing. I have neglected my writing recently and today I am starting again, as I have signed up for 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes. I took part in this challenge last year when I first started blogging and it really helped to give me focus but most of all, I kept going and didn’t give up and it was very important to me.

Part of my story is that I’m good at starting things but not always seeing it through to the end.  This is an area of frustration for me and I often beat myself up about not seeing things through.

I believe that God will redeem my story and all the things that have happened which I see as failure, will one day all work out for my good. I don’t know how or when but I believe it will happen. T

The scripture says in Romans 8:28 “All things work together for good  to them that love God and to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Fly Away With Me

Today is FiveMinuteFriday where we write for 5 minutes on a particular word.  The word prompt for this week is FLY.

The day finally arrive for our trip to Madrid.  This was an opportunity for our family to have a short break and spend some quality time together, However, I was still up at it 5.00am finishing off my packing.

I woke up about 9.00am to find everyone awake doing different things to get ready.  I got myself ready then completed the rest of the packing for myself and the children.

We finally left home to make our way to the airport. On the way my husband received a text message the flight had been cancelled and we were now booked on a later flight.  This meant that we had a  long wait at the airport. While we were waiting got information that the flight was delayed even longer. This got me frustrated and annoyed as I was looking forward to the trip and the time away.  We made the most of the time and took the children to the play area, which they enjoyed.

After what seemed like forever, we saw new info that the flight was boarding and we rushed to our gate and finally boarded our flight for Madrid.  It was a good flight and the flight attendants were very friendly with my son as he kept saying ” hola” and trying to say different sentences or questions in Spanish, which they found amusing.

We eventually arrived in Madrid to more delays, this time with getting a car.  This got me thinking “what else is going  to go wrong?” We arrived at the hotel 1.00am, got settled then helped the children to get ready for bed.

It was a very challenging day emotionally and physically. as we were all very tired. We had a lovely time exploring the city and spending time together. All too soon it was time to board another flight for our journey home.